Everything You Wanted to Know About Going to The Dentist in Madrid (And More)

Are you considering moving to Madrid, but worried that you might develop an unexpected dental problem and won't know what to do? Fear not dear reader, I have been there.

I went for a free consultation at the clinic of one 'Dr. Milo' at Prosperidad (he calls himself this in emails too, which disconcertingly made me think of Dr. Nick in The Simpsons), after calling a few English speaking clinics to enquire about prices, and he told me that I needed a reverse root canal on my front tooth (whatever that's called), to sort out a problem caused by some very shoddy work courtesy of Sheffield Dental Training Hospital after I'd knocked my teeth out falling off a bike when I was 17. I had especially sought out an English speaking dentist after a fairly scary experience in France last year, but I began to wish I hadn't once he'd started explaining what he was going to do to me. It was the verbs he used! Peel. Scrape. Gouge. Stitch. Tell me you didn't just wince. And all this for a mere €400! Masochistic bargain!

Dr. Milo prepares to do unspeakable things to my face

Anyway, he was actually very good and explained everything he would be doing and what to expect etc and so yesterday I went back and had it done. I played a bit of a move by asking if I could take a picture "for my blog", "I better do a good job then!" said Dr. Milo. Yep! It wasn't actually all that painful, for a procedure that involves removing bone tissue from your skull (!), more just excruciatingly uncomfortable. I was amazed they even use anastetic gel to numb you before injecting you. You don't get that on the NHS. There was some fairly weird sensations going on though and I got quite a bruised nose but Dr. Milo explained what was going on which was, on the whole, comforting. He even offered to show me in a mirror at one point. It's quite difficult to say 'Don't you fucking dare' when your lips are clamped open but I think I got my point across. I just tried to keep my mind on other things so as not to think about what was actually going on literally under my nose.

Apparently, it all went very well, although I wouldn't have known, my face was that numb, and he stitched it up and sent me on my way with a presciption for anti-inflamatories and an appointment for a repeat visit on Monday. There are times when I love the Madrid metro, but travelling across town at rush-hour slowly regaining the feeling in your swollen face after dental surgery is not one of them.

Today, its not really painful at all although still a little swollen, and I'm not allowed to drink or do anything strenuous for fear of ripping the stitches which is annoying as it's some kind of loosely defined carnival in Spain this weekend, which seems to be a national excuse for drunken revelry in fancy dress, which is my favourite kind of revelry. Ah well. Anyway, Dr. Milo gets my provisional seal of approval for Anglophone dentistry in Madrid. He was friendly, professional and made a very unpleasant experience as pleasant as possible.

Word of the day: Puntos - Stitches